Busting Out of Comfort Zones in the Modern World
As an advocate of comfort zone busting and supporting women to take greater risks in life, we are in tough times.
With so much in the news that cultivates fear and feeds into our desire to stay small, stay comfortable, stay home and don’t take risks. It is hard to be a risk taking woman today!
Here is what I know is important about comfort zone busting and the benefits:
It keeps us engaged with life. We don’t unplug. We don’t tap out. We stay.
It wakes up our body, all of our senses, we feel the feels, all of them.
We stay in a Growth Mindset which is vital to our self-love and vibrancy (more on that to come)
It creates greater mental wellness and physical health
What is Comfort Zone? and Busting???
It is that sweet spot between comfort zone and danger zone, that our Optimal Performance Zone exists. This is the zone we are after as advocates of Comfort Zone Busting. It is an incremental change that we are seeking in our current existence. In order to talk about Optimal Performance Zone, I feel it is essential to talk about comfort.
Comfort.
Ahhh, it is that place we can relax. We can unwind and at times even reach a place of flow. It is where our mastery lives and where we feel most at home. And, for many of us our homes are our places of comfort. It is a necessity to feel grounded, to arrive home and reset our nervous system. The Danish and Norwegians have an entire lifestyle word for this, Hygge, which emphasizes cozy and comfort. It is something they strive to accomplish in life.
I love comfort. My favorite thing to do is to snuggle in bed or to wrap myself in a blanket on the couch and read or Netflix binge. I love my routines and rituals that I can get back to in between my sometimes monthly travel schedule. My brain needs this. I can give it a rest from firing and wiring to go a bit on autopilot for awhile. Too much too much is stressful on our bodies and on our minds.
This brings us to the other extreme….The Danger Zone.
This is the place outside of our comfort zone, way outside of our comfort zone. I want you to do this:
Draw a line across a page in your journal.
Now place hash marks across that line from 0 to 100 in increments of 10.
Think about a risk you desire to take, something you want to do in life, experience, or to have.
Where does it lie on this comfort zone line.
0= total in my comfort zone, 100= off the charts of my comfort zone completely, can’t even imagine.
Developing a Distress Tolerance Scale is a useful tool to create experiments for Comfort Zone Busting. What is a goal you want to achieve? Travel, your own business, asking for a raise, dating, increasing self-care, working out, surfing on the ocean, hiking into a dormant volcano and staying in a cabin overnight (more to come on that), increasing your online presence? These are all viable Comfort Zone Busting experiments to create.
In my work with anxiety, this is a distress tolerance scale, meaning how much does something stress me out and make me feel anxious. It is used in exposure therapy, to gradually titrate the level of risk taking with the client so that they can overcome the obstacles and challenges that they are facing.
When you look at this line, the danger zone exists in 70 and above.
No anxiety=stay where you are in life. Some anxiety= growth and achievement. Too much anxiety=harm, real or imagined, and sets you back or confirms the fear.
Too much anxiety keeps our neural pathways connected to fear. It confirms to our brains and our bodies, “yup, you were right in the first place, This is way too hard and I might as well stay home.” The body needs just enough anxiety and discomfort to change. Just enough.
Nobody grows in comfort. Discomfort is needed for all expansions. ~Christie Bemis
Comfort Zones
Here are some examples of women with whom I have worked:
Laurie was a nurse, a good nurse, for many years. And nursing is stressful. She knew she wanted to do something different with her life and maybe even retire in 10 years. The idea of owning her own business or creating some side money for now was super appealing. Home was comfort. And, for the next year she busted out of that comfort by going to massage school. She rented part-time housing nearer to the school to cut down on the drive back and forth, changed her job status at work for greater flexibility and enrolled in a massage program. Eventually, she opened her own massage studio in her home, working it part-time and creating a plan to retire. At the end of 2019, she did just that.
Christie knew she wanted to travel. Travel the world and use up her passport. She was a mom, with a 7 year old at home and a 14 year old. She was turning 40. It was a big year. No one she knew wanted to travel with her. Their reasons were long and varied. “I am waiting til the kids are out of the home”, “I don’t have that kind of money”, “I couldn’t be away for more than a long weekend.” and more. So, she looked up a woman she had been following that took trips around the world with groups of people and did Voluntouring, a type of travel that you could help others and see the world. It was a big scary yes to put money down, buy the ticket and take off the day after Thanksgiving, when other mom’s were being “good moms” and shopping for presents under the tree. Meeting 30 new friends at the LAX airport at close to midnight and flying to the other side of the world, was uncomfortable and life-changing. ****psst, that Christie is me
Jessica was a good mom, a good wife, and a hard worker. She knew exactly how to care for others. What each and every person in her family needed. How they felt love. What they deserved. What she did not know was: what she needed, how she felt loved, how to take care of herself and what she wanted in life. Everyone went first. And, her health and mental wellness were not good. Was she going crazy? No, her comfort zone was taking care of others, like most women. Her anxiety and stress were around taking her piece of the pie. And, what if she took the first piece of pie? Oh my. As she began taking braver and bolder steps towards her self-care and noticing how her family responded, it became apparent that the only one holding her back was herself. And, that when she felt peace, calm and excited about life, this would only benefit those around her in a positive way.
This is Comfort Zone Busting. The big, the little and the small.
What is common in all of these stories is this:
You don’t need to know the next one hundred steps, just the next one. We can get into overwhelm fast in this Comfort Busting work. Lay out all the steps that are known right now. Not the unknown, those are FEARS (False Expectations Appearing Real). What is your next best step? It does not mean you are committed to this bust. It means you are exploring. You are venturing. You are dipping your toes into the waters of change.
They each used a bridge to scaffold the journey across. Laurie didn’t just leave her job and leap into this, she went to flexible scheduling, to keeping her home; but renting an apartment. Christie used an already established traveling group and felt the safety of being taken care of halfway around the world. Jessica tried a few small things first, time for self once a week, making a list of needs, getting a coach (me) to support and encourage and keep her accountable.
They all saw positive results. Nothing bad happened. The earth did not shatter and break. What if we rewired our brain to think of the best possible outcomes and not the worst? What if….
When we step outside of our comfort zone and into the Optimal Performance Zone, gorgeous magic happens. It opens us up to new possibilities, new friendships and opportunities, new ways of thinking and connecting with our world. Jessica could show up to her family in better and more grounded ways. Christie has gone through all of her passport pages this year, has had new job opportunities, new friendships, created more abundance of time and money in her life. Laurie retired this year, just in time for her two precious grand babies and travels a few times a year. She knows she has her home studio and a post retirement plan should she need to dip into massage at any moment.
They all found a Sweet Spot. That place where their Optimal Level of Performance was tapped into. That just enough anxiety spot to make it come alive and provoke pride and self-love and growth.
The Perfect Sweet Spot
Where dreams are made…
And, lastly, they all got support. Nobody has to do this alone. In coaching, experiments are created. New ways of thinking is expanded and accountability is valuable. You don’t know what you don’t know. And, when a coach comes in and does a brainstorm with you around all the ways to grow, it is mind blowing. When I coach women and we debrief after an experiment, an attempt to Comfort Bust, we talk about the stories or beliefs about herself that were just shattered. We talk about the impact it will have in her life. We talk about the benefit these changes will have on others. When I travel, it inspires others to do the same, even my kids.
And, yes. These are scary times. Don’t even get me started on my disdain for Speculative Journalism and Media. It is not often based on facts, but on fears. It is often the worst case scenario, not the cautionary tale. It is keeping you glued to the newsfeed, the television and not to your life. It plays on our desire to shrink back into our comforts and stay small. Be a savvy consumer of “NEWS” or better yet, turn it off all together and take a little break. I promise you, it will still be there when you get back to the Modern World.
Christie Bemis, Comfort Zone Busting Advocate
You deserve a deeper dive in life. Join me for 6 months and really Ignite Your Life with Mastery
Christie is a psychotherapist in private practice in Madison, Wisconsin. She is a mama, a wife, a writer, and an artist. Visit www.hotpinkyou.com for more information. Email at hotpinkyou@gmail.com
She is also a writer, co-authoring Ignite Your Life and a speaker. You can find her 6 week course, Ignite Your Life: a self-guided program, to reignite your self-love. Co-Founder and CEO of Hot Pink YOUniversity
Hop on a 30 minute phone consultation and get the support you need and deserve.