Radical Self-Love: How to Guide on Curating More Self-Love
Imagine being asked out on a date with that one person in your life you are most excited to share your time with. The anticipation, the thought put into your hair, your make-up, your outfit and your attitude, your personal pep-talk.
My trip to the temple in Chiang Mai, 2020.
Now, imagine that date is with yourself....who more important to primp and prep for?
When I turned 29, it was a milestone for me. Yes, it was a long, long time ago. One more foot towards 30; but, more importantly, I was now older than my big sister.
See, she passed away the day after her 29th birthday party, after a long battle with brain cancer, and here I was, alive and grateful. It had been three years since her death and surreal that I would be passing her by in years on the earth. I always wanted a surprise birthday party and remembered the one we had given my sister for her 29th. I wondered, who, if anyone, would ever give me a surprise birthday party. I know, a weird dream from childhood, along with a pool party, bowling party, travel party and more. I decided that year, "why wait?".
Why wait for that special someone to come into my life and throw me a party, I would do for myself.
I sent out the invites via snail mail....a bit before email anyway! I had no return address and just the time, date and location. During the week leading up to the party, I would walk into unsuspecting friends, huddled in muted conversations/ As soon as I walked in the room, the hushed conversations would stop and the subject would be changed.
It was pure joy anticipating the day of the party. I was often caught giggling to myself. On the evening of the party, I prepared the food, had drinks ready to go, and created a party atmosphere, even cleaning the house. I left a note on the door for guests to let themselves in and that the birthday girl would be arriving at 7pm. Then I donned the binoculars and parked the next street over as I watched my friends and loved ones park throughout the neighborhood and sneak up to the house. I pulled up to the house at the designated time and giggled all the way to the door, opening it to the yell of "surprise!" Love, love, love greeted me. A handful of my friends surmised that there was no way my house would be that clean without me knowing something! But, the rest remained in the dark and were truly surprised that I was the creator of my own SURPRISE PARTY.
Why do we wait for someone to "make us happy"? or to "love us in the way we desire"?
I choose to start with loving myself and treating myself to the pure joy life has to offer.
On Valentine's Day I included the following in an email to our Hot Pink YOUniversity followers and I share it again in this blog. Love yourself radically and deeply. Love yourself first and fully. Love yourself in as many ways possible....
Women are caretakers and nurturers. Time to care for yourself....so that you may fan the flame of others.
You may be familiar with the concept of the Five Languages of Love*...I use this concept with couples in therapy. It is about getting to know the way in which your partner feels most loved and making sure you speak his or her love language. This Valentine's Day I want you to consider what makes you feel most loved and to do that for YOU!
Physical Affection
Move your body today...get your groove on, dance in your living room to your favorite music
"Lotioning" spend some time spreading lotion over your body...take your time and really show your body you love it.
Warm bath, low lights, soft music, candles....mmmmmm.
Eat in a way your body feels good today
Go for a walk in nature...the snow is light and fluffy today...enjoy the "new" landscape that was created for us last night.
Verbal Affection
Look in the mirror today and say the words you wish to hear, "I love you, you are perfectly you, I enjoy you."
Any time you are aware today of self-deprecating thoughts or words...turn that around for yourself! Lose your keys? Instead of being stupid, pause and be gentle with yourself. Talk to yourself as you would a friend.
Wear something today that makes your body feel great...look in the mirror and tell yourself just are marvelous you are.
Today's affirmation: I can only give others as much love as I have for myself...today I choose to love myself abundantly
Listen to positive music today...Jana Stanfield, Karen Drucker, Karen Taylor-Good...sing out loud!!!
Gifts
It's okay to buy yourself flowers, chocolates...stop waiting for "someone" to show you love!
Give a random $10 out there today...anonymous or not....feel the joy that little gesture gives you.
Go to the perfume counter and throw on your favorite scent today...so what if you can't afford it today...at least you can smell like you can!
Free gifts abound...go to the library and get a romantic comedy, a favorite book....
Listen to Hay House radio or watch a Tedx Talk video googled on-line...learn something inspirational
Buy that silk shirt, the comfy pajamas, splurge on yourself the same way you do for your kids or a loved one
Quality Time
Read an inspirational book and journal to yourself about what you have read
Meditate today
What do you enjoy...bowling, movies...call a friend today and make that happen
Go out to dinner by yourself if you are not with the love of your life...take a book and people watch...if you see other couples...draw in the loving energy they have...
Make a list of gratitude you have today!
Acts of Service
Get a massage today
Write all the things you DID accomplish today instead of a “to do list”, create a celebratory “to done list” and amaze yourself
Get a monkey off your back...if there is something weighing heavy on your mind...stop procrastinating and just get it done...you will feel better.
Run your errands...and then treat yourself to a glass of wine or a cup of tea somewhere as a reward.
Do a random act of kindness for someone...an anonymous Valentine's card, shoveling a neighbor's driveway...enjoy how it elevates your energy.
Love yourself today because...You is Kind, You is Beautiful and YOU is Important (The Help)
*The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman.
So, this year, I am celebrating my 50th. I have between then and now celebrated with a pool party and with a bowling party. I have driven on a fall day with the roof off of my jeep and hiked a trail during past birthdays. I have created some wicked great times for myself. Stay tuned on what I cook up for my 50th, it is sure to be filled with love for myself and gathering all the right people to share it with me.
Part One and Part Two and Part Three of the Four Part Series on Radical Self-Love in case you missed it
Christie Bemis
You deserve a deeper dive in life. Join me for 6 months and really Ignite Your Life with Mastery
Christie is a psychotherapist in private practice in Madison, Wisconsin. She is a mama, a wife, a writer, and an artist. Visit www.hotpinkyou.com for more information. Email at hotpinkyou@gmail.com
She is also a writer, co-authoring Ignite Your Life and a speaker. You can find her 6 week course, Ignite Your Life: a self-guided program, to reignite your self-love. Co-Founder and CEO of Hot Pink YOUniversity
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